Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
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My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
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I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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