I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
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He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
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Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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