my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
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I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize