dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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