I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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