I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
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No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize