you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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