i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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