I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
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I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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