You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my being single is dangerous.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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