so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
