first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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