just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
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You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
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Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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