I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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