As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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