obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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