I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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