My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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