Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize