i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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