she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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