Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize