My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize