Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
