all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
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Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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