I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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