yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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