He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
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just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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