I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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