Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You're like the curious george of whores
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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