no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize