i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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