If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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