I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
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sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
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Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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