I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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