you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
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Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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