Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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