On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
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the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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