I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
