I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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