im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
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just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
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Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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