There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he fucked my hip out of place.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize