I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize