So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
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I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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