I bet he comes in French.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize