We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
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Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
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they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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