In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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