Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That was an excessively violent trivia night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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