he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize