HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
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I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
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Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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