I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
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I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
did i just pee glitter
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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